Back home and still on compassionate leave from work until Monday. Should be on call this weekend and feel guilty as I am physically able to go to work, but swinging between feeling completely fine and being unable to perform the simplest tasks. Coping by extreme gardening, extended dog walks and imaginative hot drink concoctions now the sun has gone in and it’s grey and cloudy. Husband and children away and busy doing their own stuff so feel relieved, but sad, that I am on my own, which I think I need to be at the moment. My heart is heavy with loss.