My Morning so far

Woken at 3am by husband getting up to go out early. 4am – get back to sleep. Alarm goes off at 6am. Go out to feed hens to come face to face with a startled deer which legs it round the garden hotly pursued by three dogs. 15 minute Benny Hill chase in an attempt to drive it out so it won’t eat my artichokes. Lose deer – assume it has jumped out of garden. Go to shed to get shovel to clear up the multitude of poos left on the lawn by overexcited spaniel. Come across rogue hen which has escaped morning egg-laying curfew by flapping out of the run and is now pensively crapping on the patio, plotting which obscure and inaccessible spot to hide its egg today. Attempt and fail to catch the feathery conniving git. Go into kitchen to find that senior lab has barfed in his basket. Clear up barf and put blanket in washing machine. Wash hands. Turn round to find senior lab has trodden in the fresh hen poo which is attached to his rear foot and is now liberally distributing it all over the kitchen. Clear up hen poo. Wash hands. Greeted by spaniel gleefully presenting me with a partially eviscerated and decomposing starling complete with maggots, which he drops on my bare foot.