My return home from work this evening.

On call. Empty house. Al and girls all out/away. Dogs in run having been walked. House sparkling clean due to Kim the magic cleaning fairy.

Put hens to bed and collect eggs.

Walk in.

Inhale clean smells.

Feed dogs

Inhale hen poo smell.

Check shoes.

Bugger.

Spaniel barfs on sparkling kitchen floor.

Go to get gloves from under sink to find they have been nibbled, together with all the plastic bags to make a mouse nest in some obscure under floor location.

Clean up mouse poo, hen poo, shredded plastic and dog barf without bothering to take off my jacket.

Feel something damp and sticky in my jacket pocket.

Bugger.

Forgot the eggs, now scrambled in my pocket and dripping down my work skirt.

I repeat. On call. No. Gin. Allowed.

Bugger.