My morning so far…

Wake at 6am to the sound of the chair on the balcony clattering over in a gust of wind.
Manage to get back to sleep to experience a number of vivid and alarming/questionable dreams.
Re-awaken with a start at 8am (unheard of lie-in) to a still and beautiful morning.
Go down into kitchen, look at forecast and decide today will be a chore-free, work-free, lazy, self indulgent, politically incorrect and highly unfashionable sunbathing day.
Make pot of tea, set up sun lounger, prepare bowl of fruit and granola with yoghurt and put book out.
Stupidly open dishwasher to find it full of clean stuff.
Unload dishwasher and put stuff away.
Go to let out hens and dogs.
As I pass laundry room, notice washing machine full of clean, wet washing.
Unload and hang washing on line.
Let out dogs and feed junior Lab.
Let out and feed hens.
Find broken egg in henhouse which has soaked into straw overnight and is staring to pong, attracting many flies.
Clean out soiled straw and burn it on bonfire.
Replace straw.
Fill hen up water.
Notice a huge crop of ripe loganberries which are being snitched by the starlings.
Go into kitchen, fetch bowl and pick ripe fruit for jam making later.
Hear postman arrive.
Get mail from mailbox by gate and walk back into house, wiping shoes on back doormat.
Feel something squishy and yielding.
Accosted by suspicious smell
Realise I have inadvertently stepped in one of senior Lab’s random, involuntary and accidental deposits and have ground it into to mat.
Throw shoes in washing machine on boil wash and spend 20 mins frenziedly cleaning and disinfecting area.
Wash hands many times.
Walk into kitchen to find partially eaten and decomposing crow which Big Stupid Spaniel has been snacking on whilst I was otherwise engaged.
Dispose of carcass.
Wash hands many times.
Hear funny grinding noise coming from Lagertha who is stationary on the lawn flashing her headlights in distress.
Turn her over to find the spare key (which I lost a few days ago after a visiting dog exploded through the basket by the front door) with the shredded string wrapped around the blades.
Unravel key and set Lagertha off again.
Go to sit on sun lounger.
Tea cold.
Breakfast has been colonised by a population of flies.

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