In 2012, when the girls were small, we had a menagerie of animals which caused much work, amusement and general chaos. I wrote a brief blog for the most trying creatures: an aggressively stalky cockerel, a number of ineptly suicidal pheasant chicks and ferrets who repeatedly ate their offspring.

Just found them!

Eric the cockerel:

Woke up at 4am. Crowed. Crapped. Crowed. Waited for the bastards to open the hatch. Crowed. Crowed. Crapped. Crowed. Went out. Bossed hens about. Tried to kick the arse of the big two legged Mama but got booted unceremoniously into a tree. Legged it. Crowed. Strutted about at a safe distance. Crowed. Crapped. Ran comically down the garden. Ran comically up the garden. Lurked in hedge and scared crap out of dog. Hang on – where’s my girls gone? Ooerr it’s getting dark. Run for cover. Perch. Crap. Crow. Snuggle up with my bitches. Sleep.

Pheasant chicks:

Woke up. Ran around aimlessly. Tried to hang myself on the netting. Fell in water and had to be fished out. Pecked my neighbour. Cheeped. Crapped. Flapped a bit. Stood on another chick and looked a bit puzzled. Slept. Repeat.

Fungus the ferret:

Woke up. Stretched. Ate dead rabbit. Drank. Pooed. Shagged unnecessarily enthusiastically and noisily. Napped in hammock. Peered outside. Made nest in straw. Slept. Shagged unnecessarily enthusiastically and noisily. Bit other ferret. Slept.

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